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During my 8 months in Asia, I managed to visit Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, and Hong Kong. I didn’t like them. The details have faded, and I don’t really want to remember, so I’ll stick to brief notes and a bunch of stale photos.

Kuala Lumpur (Dirtymouthville)

We came to Malaysia’s capital on business — to get a work visa. After Phuket, it felt like arriving in Moscow from some provincial town.

But that feeling was totally misleading, because Kuala Lumpur is just a village with very tall huts and a disco.

Kuala Lumpur literally means “muddy estuary”, and in this case, being really does follow naming (or vice versa). The city’s rich in oil, but not in culture.

Instead of friendly Buddhists — Muslims. So forget about mini-skirts and other scandalous garments. Especially in official places.

The main attraction, obviously, is the Petronas Twin Towers — 88 floors of offices and shopping.

You can see them from pretty much anywhere, in any weather. At night they shine like a Christmas tree.

That said, the best city view is from the Menara KL Tower.

What else about KL? Awful food, unbearable weather, rooftop bars. Locals speak decent English, Uber works.

Most of the time you just want to hide under an air conditioner. The local aquarium isn’t a bad spot for that.

Within city limits, there’s a hill with Batu Caves, a giant Murugan statue, and a billion obnoxious monkeys.

The best travel tip I can give about Kuala Lumpur — don’t go to Kuala Lumpur.

Hong Kong — Budget Neon China

The Hong Kong SAR is way too big in every sense, so I won’t even try to write a narrative — just facts.

Hong Kong is a vertical city. The developed area is ten times smaller than Moscow, yet it’s home to 7 million people.

75% of the land is forests and green zones that no one’s building on. While Moscow sprawls out, eating up its neighbors, Hong Kong grows up and eats up its residents’ living space.

Most people live in cramped apartments, 10–15 square meters. Real estate prices are sky-high.

At rush hour, the crowd just carries you somewhere. Resistance is futile. We came during the New Year holidays. During the fireworks at the Tsim Sha Tsui waterfront, I learned what A LOT OF PEOPLE means.

Hong Kong is Europe with Chinese flavor. That’s the right order. It doesn’t feel like other Southeast Asian capitals — and that’s a huge plus.

Hongkongers don’t like being called Chinese. They see themselves, if not a separate nation, then at least its elite. They’re polite, educated, tactful. They try to help and speak immaculate English.

One of the islands has Disneyland. Smaller and worse than the Paris one, but for a guy fresh out of Phuket — total paradise.

An hour away by ferry there’s another Chinese SAR — Macau, the casino city.

Used to be a colony too, but not British — Portuguese. You’ll notice from the leftover architecture and the rare-for-Asia drink: port wine.

Massive casinos like The Venetian and The Parisian mimic their namesake cities, briefly making you forget you’re still stuck in Asia.

So far, Hong Kong’s the only place in Asia I’d want to revisit — and recommend to others.

Singapore — Space City with a Propeller

To spare your delicate feelings, let me say upfront: I didn’t like Singapore at all. Feel free to stop reading here.

Big and modern city, yes — but totally soulless. Feels like it was carved out of plastic and aluminum.

Only a year later, I barely remember any details. Maybe just the Gardens by the Bay with its indoor tropical forest.

That Cloud Forest was memorable for its cool air. Even with outdoor A/C systems, the equatorial heat was brutal.

At night, the same Gardens by the Bay turns into a full-blown light and sound show. Looks pretty cosmic.

Another key spot — Raffles Bar, where they invented the original Singapore Sling, still served today.

The cocktail costs a fortune, but they give you a bottomless bag of peanuts. You’re supposed to toss the shells right on the floor.

I’ve got nothing else to say about Singapore. Or Asia, for that matter. That chapter is closed. Time to write about more interesting places. Thanks for reading.

If you want all the juicy details about living in Phuket, check out the previous post.